Never Say Never
by Kitty O
Summary: Things you would never hear the characters say. Never. Not in a thousand years. Except here. No slash.
1. I Quit

_So, I was in the Star Trek: TOS section of this site and I came across this story by **Darkwood Princess**. It's called "Five Things You Will Never Hear", and that's basically what it is—five ridiculously OOC statements a character can make._

_I decided it would be nice to have one for the Merlin fandom. This one is Merlin, because he is the main character. Does anyone think I should continue?_

_I'm using this idea with permission from the author. Jussayin._

* * *

><p><strong>Merlin<strong>

"Let all of Camelot save themselves, and if they can't, well, let it fall! Tough love!"

"Gee, I feel so bad for that nameless extra—maybe I should try to keep him/her alive. After all, she/he is a person, too."

"I'm not going to take this anymore! I am underappreciated. I quit."

"Arthur and Gwen have no chemistry. This is so forced."

"Good morning, Sire. I've already cleaned your room and polished your boots; your breakfast is on the table and the stables are spic and span… I'm at your service, though; anything else you might like?"


	2. I Apologize

**Arthur**

"I'm sorry, Merlin. You're right; I was being mean, and I apologize sincerely. Will you accept my apology?"

"Gwen, couldn't you pull that dress up a little? You look as loose as they come."

"Morgana once beat me in a swordfight… Okay, she did it twice…"

"You know, I'm getting a little tired of all this sword fighting and working out. Why don't we just skip it today and all head down to the Rising Sun and get drunk and smash things up?"

"Yeah, I know what my father said, but he's kind of an idiot, so we'll ignore him for once and take Merlin's suggestion instead! He tends to be right…"


	3. I Was Wrong

**Morgana**

"I think I'm in the wrong here!"

"Wow, there aren't any nice guys over here on the dark side. Maybe I should go back to Camelot."

"I can't stand that Mordred kid."

"Morgause, I swear if you touch my face one more time, I will scream for help! That's not appropriate!"

"You know, Uther, I may have hit a rebellious age, and sure, you aren't always right, but you did raise me and love me and try to do what you think is best, and I respect you for that."


	4. I Have a Life

_A/N: Yeah, so someone brought it up: anything they say in their own little chapters is supposed to be taken as though they are being sincere; THAT'S why it's OOC. Anyway. Happy Valentine's Day. May you eat much candy!_

* * *

><p><strong>Gwen<strong>

"Kissing isn't much fun anyway. I've got better things to do than romance."

"I swear, Arthur Pendragon, if you don't take two steps back, I will slap you."

"I'm sick of purples and yellows. I think I'll wear black today!"

"My story? Well, Helois, I was kicked out of Camelot, banished by the king – my fiancé – after betraying him under an enchantment that you would think my so-called friends, being extremely paranoid about magic, would pick up on, but no. And if you'd like to destroy Camelot, be my guest."

"Brush your own hair, Morgana! I have a life too!"


	5. I'm Retiring

**Gaius**

"Yes, Merlin, I'm sure your problems are very interesting, but I don't care. Go save Camelot by yourself. Have fun."

"Sorcery. There! Pronounced it right!"

"I can't just go around using potions to knock people out! That's not ethical!"

"I'm seriously retiring. I can't take this being tortured/starved to death's door all over again."

"Considering all the people I managed to save from the purge while remaining on the king's good side, compared to all the people _they _saved while getting themselves hunted for the rest of their lives, I don't think the magic community has any real call to be so angry at me."


	6. I'm To Blame

**Uther**

"On second thought, Ygraine's death _may_ have been my fault."

"Merlin, you're pretty smart. Maybe you should give your opinion."

"Arthur's not bad, but he's just not really king material."

"In another life, I feel like I might have liked to practice a little magic…"

"Back when I was a boy, I had to walk to my battles. Uphill, both ways, barefoot. This new generation and their speedy gratification will be the end of Camelot!"

**A/N: Couldn't resist that last one. I do love my Uther :) Any suggestions for other characters to do?**


	7. I Don't Want a Drink

**Gwaine**

"I don't want anything to drink, thanks."

"Merlin, do shut up; Arthur's right."

"I think I'll keep quiet and stay out of this. It's not really my business, anyway."

"Come on, Gwen. You know you don't REALLY want to marry that old fuddy-duddy, right? You'd rather have fun with me, right?"

"You know, I have a very low self-esteem. I just find myself hard to like."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I had to do number 4. Because the thought of Gwaine trying to seduce Gwen after she's rejected him amuses me.**

**Hey, a note: if you happen to be reading my AU story "X Marks the Man", I am sorry for leaving you without an update. I want to try and write the entire story before I post more. We'll see how that goes…**


	8. I'll Go Plainfaced

**Morgause**

"I think I'll go plain-faced today."

"Cenred's not so bad. I sort of like him."

"No, this plan is not all that brilliant, is over dramatic, and probably won't work. Maybe we shouldn't try it."

"Morgana, you're the only sister I have, and it's not safe for you in Camelot. Why don't we just leave it and go someplace where magic is legal?"

"Maybe, instead of killing this person in our way, we should kindly explain our just motives to him."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay, this is it, I think, because I've done all the characters I chose to. I might add one more chapter, but I doubt it. Thanks for reading. **


	9. I'll be Straightforward

**Kilgharrah **

"I'm sort of a woman-hater, really; I don't like any of the women you come across, Merlin. You should probably ignore any advice I give pertaining to them."

The word "kerfuffle". **(A/N: Seriously, imagine him saying it. It will make your day.)**

"Let me be consistent and straightforward about this."

"I swear, Merlin, if you do not cease your incessant questions I shall bite you."

"Eh, Camelot's not so bad. I may have deserved being locked down here… Eaten a few important people… Besides, what's twenty years to someone as old as I am?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay, I agreed to go to ten chapters. So expect one more!**


	10. I'll Forgive

**Mordred**

"I'm actually pretty talkative when you get to know me."

"Hey, forgive and forget, right?"

"If you think I make a good creepy Druid boy, you should see me as a hopeful orphan or a boy in striped pajamas! I'm spectacular!"

"Why does it look like Morgana could be my mother and Merlin my father?"

"WHERE HAVE I BEEN FOR TWO SEASONS? Why am I not around, evil, and full of teen angst?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: K, that's the end! Please review!**


End file.
